he shaved USA in his pubs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
