she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
