I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
