You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
there is puke in my bra ... again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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