do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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