Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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