i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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