looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
