she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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