So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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