The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
