If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
