Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
