had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My pussy is not your playground.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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