my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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