I just saw a hot homeless man
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
