Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
