My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
