You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
