where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
