A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
