Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
