whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
