i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
