No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Randomize
