i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
