im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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