...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
