I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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