guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
