I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
