If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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