just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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