i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
