I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
