that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
