he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
