Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
