i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
