Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
