I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My first STD was from a foam party
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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