you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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