All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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