i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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