i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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