Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
