I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
