he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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