You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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