Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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